also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
