R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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