dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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