I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
