i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
