Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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