i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
