Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
