mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I had to cum in my sink.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
