I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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