My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
