So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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