clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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