so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
