Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
