I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
