What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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