You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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