My first STD was from a foam party
so explain again why im purple
no
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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