the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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