I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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