So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
