you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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