so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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