you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
