I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
