is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
