i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
