I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
