i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
