Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
