I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
