sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
