It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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