I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
