It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
