Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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