Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
