I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
