Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
