dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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