Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
where am i from again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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