He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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