What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize