Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
