I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
