I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
