I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
