is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
