I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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