i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
