Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but Iโm ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize