The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
