What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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