you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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