I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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