OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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