My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
