It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
