no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
