He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
