i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
