im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
