im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
