Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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