The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
