he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
