I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
