I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
