He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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