I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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