he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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