he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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