im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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