She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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