I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
