I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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