They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
