My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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