I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
